I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
