dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
