maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
