i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
