remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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