Swine flu. Run for my life!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
