I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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