In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
