I just threw up on my dentist
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
