Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
