does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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