I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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