So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
