im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
