I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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