The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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