Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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