It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
