Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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