genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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