rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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