all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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