Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
