DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
