I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
