I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
