remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
