Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
