I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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