I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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