In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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