Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
