she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
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