I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
