I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
