Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
