I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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