i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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