what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
