WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
