Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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