I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
