I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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