fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
