win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
