i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
