U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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