I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
