You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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