I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
