Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
