Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
