Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
