I look better un-naked...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
