Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
