i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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