i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
