you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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