My girlfriend figured out who you are.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize