I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
