That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
