A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He passed out mid-signature
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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