so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
