It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
