so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
