Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
