i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
