We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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