i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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